Is jealousy holding you back?

Hello Darling,

My name is Admiria and I am truly excited to be a new member of the Stay C.L.A.S.S.Y Team.

Today I want to bring you a message that has really been hitting me in the head this month. Last week I began watching Oprah's Next Chapter: Black Women in Hollywood, which featured Gabrielle Union, Viola Davis, Phylicia Rashad, Alfre Woodard and of course Oprah Winfrey.

Gabrielle's response really touched me. Oprah asked Gabrielle what inspired her to write the speech that she gave at the Essence Pre-Oscar luncheon in February of 2013 Gabrielle then stated that she basically "hit rock bottom" after her divorce and some career setbacks. She then went on to state that with the help of her personal and mental trainer she realized that she needed to be honest with herself and start making much needed changes.  (Click here for Gabrielle's Scene) 


After watching that scene, I immediately went to find Gabrielle's entire Essence speech online. In her speech, she talked about how she used to love hearing that her sister actresses were failing. She wanted them to fail because she wanted to be better than them. She said she was never happy to see others succeed. However, after help from her trainer and having the chance to really look over her life she now loves seeing her sisters succeed. Now she feels that she is no longer a "mean girl".


 Her speech really touched me because I feel the exact same way!  I feel that I am at the point in my life where, like Gabrielle, I can honestly say that I’m truly happy to see others succeed. However, I wasn’t always this way. When my friend got a full ride scholarship to an amazing university, I remember feeling so jealous. I deserved a full ride right? See, in that situation I was only thinking about myself. Maybe my friend couldn't afford college and most of her money was from financial aid. Maybe she just did a lot better in school that me. I didn’t know and instead of feeling happy for my friend I chose to look at the negative and feel bad for myself. 


Many women are like the old Gabrielle and the old me. We bad talk people that we barely know. We secretly despise anyone that is doing better than us, whether it's having a better man, better clothes, or a higher grade. Also, we rarely ever find joy in seeing one of our sisters succeed. Yeah we might say “congratulations” but in our heads we’re like “man I would be so much better at that than her”.

I also recently heard Rev. Dr. Debyii Sababu Thomas, a preacher and motivational speaker, speak on the SAME subject (I told you it was hitting me over the head). In her speech, she stated that we as women need to be "sister stars". Meaning we need to come to together like stars in the night sky and reflect the beauty and light of our sisters. So in other words, we need to start lifting one another up and stop tearing each other down! We need to realize that when you lift someone up that you are in turn lifting yourself up and making yourself feel better! 


 No I’m not saying that you personally hate hearing success stories but I am just encouraging you to start noticing when you are tearing others down. Whether it’s you loathing that a friend of yours got an awesome scholarship or gossiping about someone you barely know. No, it won’t be easy but I promise it will be worth it!

So I challenge you today to go out and give one genuine compliment. If one of your sisters receives and internship at an amazing law firm tell her congratulations and that you are proud of her. If one of your sisters, who barely speaks in class, finally raises her hand and gives a great response tell her after class that you loved her point. Even if you see one of your sisters looking AMAZING tell her that she looks so pretty today.

So this is my challenge ONE COMPLIMENT! Is that so hard? No! So go do it and I promise you will feel better afterwards.

“Big Changes start with small Steps” - anonymous

And remember, ladies, Stay C.LA.S.S.Y ;)

--Admiria